Ever Wondered Why...

I really dig George Carlin. He must have been born under a wondering star, I guess. Some Carlinisms?


Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea - does that mean that one enjoys it?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly.' I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

Have more at George Carlin dot com.