De Futura.

Does that sound familiar? Well, worry no more! D.O.R.K. Industries has the solution to all your future problems - the first commercially available Brain On Tape, along with a free Tape Finder! Imagine - completely error free brain at your disposal! 24/7, this all new power brain (completely wireless, comes with FedGov compliant AetherNat interface and 1-bit encryption for your spam free guaranteed safety - really!) is available to the public at the wink of your Debit Card. Take a walk on the bright side now! Never forget what you wouldn't remember, finally understand what The President™ means with all that and so much more! What's the story hunky-dory? Read on...
Back in the early days, in the beginning of the 21st century, conservatives advised against experiments on the human brain (probably in fear of being proven they had nothing in theirs), as new achievements in storage technologies and artificial intelligence had led to experiments on extracting the "contents" of the human brain onto storage devices. With a breakthrough in storing data on sellotape (-> holographic memory) in 1998, German computer scientists Steffen Noehte and Matthias Gerspach had discovered the cornerstone for these experiments, which were taken to new heights in 2013 by Prof. Dr. Harebraine. Harebraine assumed that no significant functionality and/or information was lost by merging the right and left parts of the brain, reducing the amount of data enormously by getting rid of redundancies and common sense (hardly ever needed, despite it's name far from standardized and barely legal since the introduction of the New World Order (N.W.O.) by President™ Gorge Double-Me Tush). Harebraine, holding a chair at the Institute for Barely Abideable Discoveries (I. B.A.D.) as well as the University of Gosh in Hangover (U.G.H.), proved mathematically (based on Einstein's Spatial Theory of Reluctivity) that efficiency and political correctness would improve over 100% with the Sell-O-Brain (as he had named it). In 2021, an international syndicate of companies (consisting of nearly two companies from all over the U.S. of A.) formed the American Mediocre Engineering Notorial Trust (A.M.E.N.T.) - a name reportedly generated by the first Sell-O-Brain prototype during a Proof-of-Concept presentation in Hack'n'Sack - in order to make this breakthrough device available to the public along with the slogan "Every home should have one". As of today, April 1st 2025, D.O.R.K. Industries proudly presents Sell-O-Brain 0-0, your gateway to a new life! Only today. this introductory offer includes a map of the city you live in (provided it's Hitsville) plus an extra set of near-leakproof atomic batteries at no extra charge for our first 101 customers. If that's not enough, only today Sell-O-Brain is delivered to your doorstep for the unbelievably low price of (mumble static mumble) and yes, you heard me right, that's next to nothing. Call 1-800-I-M-S-O-D-U-M-B and get your new brain today. That's 1-800-I-M-S-O-D-U-M-B for Sell-O-Brain 0-0. You'll wonder how you could ever do without it...