Giggle With Woody.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to utter hopelessness and despair, the other to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead.

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.

There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.