Surrowndid Bye Idjuts
I randomly do a Google search for things I randomly make up. I might even randomly switch to another searchengine, but then search results become unpredictable, and... yeah right. I have to go clean my glasses. I think I gets a cold...
Today's searched term was: Beware! That's right. I had been reading the previous post - A Word On Wines - over and over, pretending I didn't know it and thereby simulating a tremendous amount of first-time-visitors that don't know Monty Python. And every single visitor I simulated really went off on that sketch. In fact, it became funnier every time I read it, so after about 156 visits I was in the stage of a five-year-old laughing my butt off although I couldn't even read (the most convincing impersonation of a five-year-old I ever delivered). I edited the thing inbetween breaks where I was back to normal, like adding accents here and there as it deals a lot with french terms. And during these edits I found out about the incredibly informed skills MP implied just like that. I mean, gimme a break, a 1970 Côte du Rod Laver, hahaha. Haha. Really. Er... hwere wuzz eye? Ah-rite, it was then when I played back the real thing via my enormously realistic sounding speaker monitors in my hitek recording studio that I happen to have installed up here in my ivory tower - imagine Eric Idle sitting in front of you speaking. If he would lisp, you'd feel the sensation of a slight spray of... er, okay - you know when the virtual Eric Idle reached the part where he goes about the most famous sparkling wine would be Perth Pink. Quote: This is a bottle with a message in and the message is "Beware!" Unquote. You know, the way he said "Bewaaare" almost made me wet my pants. Of course I'm not supposed to do that in the studio, so... but almost. To cut a long toenail short, this was the moment the new searchterm was born, though I didn't know it then. But I do know it now, and that's what counts. I effortlessly performed this aforementioned Google-search, and as I clicked the randomly chosen link once, hell broke lose. So to speak. Not that I drowned in pop-up windows, no, I have a pop-up killer hired for that (an unemployed ex KGB agent at a decent rate), no it was just the enormous amount of stupidity I was struck by when I entered the site. I must have known by the url "www.i-love-cats.com" that only completely crapped out cat enthusiasts are able to waste their time with setting up a site and then meticulously fill it up with the most insane pile of catpoop one can imagine. Cats Humor. Cats Internet Directories. Cats Newsletters and Ezines. Cats Rescue & Adoption. Purrsonal Cat Website, got it? Purrsonal. Holy hole in the doughnut. Basically, there wasn't much there, except the crap, and the page took extremely looooong to load on my ultrabroadband 5 Megabit DSL connection, but hey, it got worse! There were several buttons like Home, or Tell A Friend! (you ain't got no friends after you tell them that!!!) and even a Dog Lover? button, but I didn't dare to click there, who knows where they would have reported me... anyway, I tried Cat Games & Fun and was transported to another page of eye deafening grafical skills. Despite that this page was headlined "Cat Fun & Games" (though I was promised Games & Fun beforehand, remember? It's the little things) I was given the choice between Daily Cat Comics (Meow out loud each day with a new cat comic!), or Ask The Magic 8-Ball! (Get your questions answered by the Magic Ball! Really Fun!). Then there was Cat Tic-Tac-Toe! which offered to "Play the always fun Tic-Tac-Toe online, with a cat flavor!" I'll skip Cat Concentration and head directly to Cat Puzzle!!! Yep - the real world challenge for the bored westerner with an IQ slightly below room temperature. Celsius, mind you. Okay, now here's the fun I assumed so I clicked and before I knew it - paff! - I was transferred to the next page where (between two really big identical banners advertising The Fisher Center For Alzheimer's Research... I mean, two big banners. What's that for? If you had Altzheimer and forgot to read one, you could still read the other???) there was written:
And the rest of the page was - blank!?! I don't mean to intimidate cat lovers, don't get me wrong here. But how dumb can anyone be to... awnoe, this is getting rhetorical. And I was having such a nice day.
Today's searched term was: Beware! That's right. I had been reading the previous post - A Word On Wines - over and over, pretending I didn't know it and thereby simulating a tremendous amount of first-time-visitors that don't know Monty Python. And every single visitor I simulated really went off on that sketch. In fact, it became funnier every time I read it, so after about 156 visits I was in the stage of a five-year-old laughing my butt off although I couldn't even read (the most convincing impersonation of a five-year-old I ever delivered). I edited the thing inbetween breaks where I was back to normal, like adding accents here and there as it deals a lot with french terms. And during these edits I found out about the incredibly informed skills MP implied just like that. I mean, gimme a break, a 1970 Côte du Rod Laver, hahaha. Haha. Really. Er... hwere wuzz eye? Ah-rite, it was then when I played back the real thing via my enormously realistic sounding speaker monitors in my hitek recording studio that I happen to have installed up here in my ivory tower - imagine Eric Idle sitting in front of you speaking. If he would lisp, you'd feel the sensation of a slight spray of... er, okay - you know when the virtual Eric Idle reached the part where he goes about the most famous sparkling wine would be Perth Pink. Quote: This is a bottle with a message in and the message is "Beware!" Unquote. You know, the way he said "Bewaaare" almost made me wet my pants. Of course I'm not supposed to do that in the studio, so... but almost. To cut a long toenail short, this was the moment the new searchterm was born, though I didn't know it then. But I do know it now, and that's what counts. I effortlessly performed this aforementioned Google-search, and as I clicked the randomly chosen link once, hell broke lose. So to speak. Not that I drowned in pop-up windows, no, I have a pop-up killer hired for that (an unemployed ex KGB agent at a decent rate), no it was just the enormous amount of stupidity I was struck by when I entered the site. I must have known by the url "www.i-love-cats.com" that only completely crapped out cat enthusiasts are able to waste their time with setting up a site and then meticulously fill it up with the most insane pile of catpoop one can imagine. Cats Humor. Cats Internet Directories. Cats Newsletters and Ezines. Cats Rescue & Adoption. Purrsonal Cat Website, got it? Purrsonal. Holy hole in the doughnut. Basically, there wasn't much there, except the crap, and the page took extremely looooong to load on my ultrabroadband 5 Megabit DSL connection, but hey, it got worse! There were several buttons like Home, or Tell A Friend! (you ain't got no friends after you tell them that!!!) and even a Dog Lover? button, but I didn't dare to click there, who knows where they would have reported me... anyway, I tried Cat Games & Fun and was transported to another page of eye deafening grafical skills. Despite that this page was headlined "Cat Fun & Games" (though I was promised Games & Fun beforehand, remember? It's the little things) I was given the choice between Daily Cat Comics (Meow out loud each day with a new cat comic!), or Ask The Magic 8-Ball! (Get your questions answered by the Magic Ball! Really Fun!). Then there was Cat Tic-Tac-Toe! which offered to "Play the always fun Tic-Tac-Toe online, with a cat flavor!" I'll skip Cat Concentration and head directly to Cat Puzzle!!! Yep - the real world challenge for the bored westerner with an IQ slightly below room temperature. Celsius, mind you. Okay, now here's the fun I assumed so I clicked and before I knew it - paff! - I was transferred to the next page where (between two really big identical banners advertising The Fisher Center For Alzheimer's Research... I mean, two big banners. What's that for? If you had Altzheimer and forgot to read one, you could still read the other???) there was written:
The Cat Puzzle
Just move your mouse on the piece you want to move!
Just move your mouse on the piece you want to move!
And the rest of the page was - blank!?! I don't mean to intimidate cat lovers, don't get me wrong here. But how dumb can anyone be to... awnoe, this is getting rhetorical. And I was having such a nice day.
posted by bunka @ 23:57
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