Bumperstickers

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
If you can read this, you're not the president.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Stress - you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
A day without sunshine is like night.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
If going to church makes you a Christian,
then going into a garage makes you a car.
In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
On your mark, get set, go away!