Kangaroo Paparazzi.

I said NO pictures!

How About...

The Daily Show Explains Net Neutrality.

Ever wondered what the internet actually is? One thing's for sure - it is not a dump truck, as Alaska Senator Ted Stevens assures us. Go here and see for yourself! Once you're done with amusement, come back here and read this article by Tamim Ansary - The Muddle Machine. It ain't half as funny. Actually, if it is true it is quite sad, but explains somehow why school books are such a load of beeeeep.

Lateral Thinking.

"Many shops have prices set just under a round figure, e.g. $9.99 instead of $10.00 or $99.95 instead of $100.00 . It is assumed that this is done because the price seems lower to the consumer. But this is not the reason the practice started. What was the original reason for this pricing method?" I am very tempted to just leave it to provoke lateral thinking. Haha! Due to the current heat waves reported from many hot places around the globe, I rather provoke nothing and leave it up to the reader to peek or not. A lot of seemingly hard riddles with rather logical answers can be found here. Including a very simple answer to the question above...

What not to do in the office

Crap Suzette!

Deep thought of the day: Shit happens. Why is it always me to prove that?!? Except maybe this guy - shocking! I love the guy's comments, although I don't understand a single word :o))

Just For The Record.

Oi! Do Not Buy Nhancement Pills, They Don't Work!

I got this warning in my mailbox today, and though I do not know the sender, I'm very grateful he sent me this warning! And to let you participate, to give back some of the universal blessing (sorry, not the real est ate!) in return of the joy I'm given... you know, I'm not a celebrity (well I am, but nobody knows...), or whatever qualifies for like fan mail or fainting Labradors and such, but I am a very happy recipient of numerous well meant tips and stuff like the one I'm referring to today while wearing a Kenzo T-Shirt I bought back in the days still able to afford it (honestly, Theodoric, I'd buy the Rolex if only I could afford it right now!). Er... here's what "Bruce" wrote me: "Over the past few years the market has become swamped with imitation male enhancement pills, making it virtually impossible to know what is legitimate and what is fake!" That's very very true. Although actually I didn't notice it, really. But, you know, my time is as limited as yours, and if I'm not mistaken sums up to some 24 hours a day, so that might have slipped. But that'S nt important - it's the conclusion that counts: "The logical step that millions of men are taking is to switch over to the more effective and potent male enhancement Patches." Right on!! What are Patches? Enhancing what? Hm... Let's see... "Millions of men are already applying male enhancement patches daily and watching their size and drive go through the roof! Patches deliver the product into your system in a quicker and more efficient manner than a pill ever could. They are also safer and more discrete, no need to awkwardly carry around a bottle of pills. Enlarge Patch Rx is simply the best patch you will find, anywhere!" Okay....... er, through the roof?!? I mean, my flat is rather flat, mening it is not very high. It is high on the other hand, 5th floor so I can see who's coming visit me tomorrow, but you get the idea, through the roof is easily achieved, though if it means what I believe it means - how am I supposed to do my shopping?! I'd trigger the alarm in every MallWart I'd walk into. Not that I do. Except every now and then. And Fridays. But after all, I'm glad I don't have to carry around this huge 'bottle of pills' anymore. Really. That's the way I spell relief! And not New York...
"Our Enlarge Patches are the most respected in the industry, the highest quality at the best price. As of yet no other patch has matched ours for pure potency and effectiveness, the results you see from using Enlarge Patch are unreal!" Results I see are unreal?!? Aw... must be some side effects. I always suspected that! And now I know... however, Bruce fortunately delivered some testimony. I mean, it's one thing to believe, but evidence is more convincing, innit?

"Here are just a few of the thousands of happy testimonials we receive every year:

"Hi, I have been using Enlarge Patch Rx for one month. I could not believe my eyes after about a week of using the product because my flaccid length only grew a tremendous amount. I started slow since I did not know much about the exercises but once I retained some experience I began to introduce myself to the more advanced ones and that is when my penis started growing.
I can not thank Enlarge Patch Rx enough. So overall I started at about 6 inches in length and about 4 inches in girth, which is quite normal and now im 7 1/4 inches in length and 4 3/4 inches in girth. An entire inch in both length and girth in a matter of a month! If you want to have gains and keep them forever you have to try Enlarge Patch Rx, believe me you will not regret it!" Robbie V. Texas

Now that does sound a bit fishy, doesn't it? I tried muscle powder once, they said application was easy, just sprinkle it on your muscles and after a couple of weeks... it never happened. I even bought a second supply - nothing. So I did a bit of Googling and found Robbie V.'s mail address. In fact, there were 59 Robbie V.s in Texas, so I emailed all of them. The real Robbie must be among them, and then we'll see!

"I suppose my story won't be somewhat unusual to you. I'm a young man of 25 and I was completely frustrated about my small penis. I was so shy to show it to any of the girl I had “relationship” with that I basically had no sexual life at all. Enlarge Patch Rx patches did incredible thing to me. I was using them for 4 months and my penis is much more thicker and about 2.5 inches longer now. All my doubts are gone. I really appreciate what you're guys doing. Thanx for saving my life! " Geoff R. Rhode Island

Geoff, however, sounds much more convincing, doesn't he? I mean, he explicitly states "All my doubts are gone" and "Thanx for saving my life" - he wouldn't do that if it weren't true, would he?
Basically, I'm not in need of any patches, Bruce (erm, okay - do you have brain patches?!?). But - and here's the positive aspect my therapist told me to look for - I wouldn't have been able "to know what is legitimate and what is fake" because the market has become swamped with imitation male enhancement pills over the past few years. Thanks, Bruce, Geoff and Robbie! We need more folks like you guys. Really!

XTC - Dear God

Mariah Carey and Zeus.

Every time you make a credit card purchase, they're supposed to match your signature against the one on the back of your card. Nobody seems to check anymore, so John Hargrave tried to see how far he could push it with wacky signatures like "Mariah Carey" and "Zeus". Read the whole story in the original Credit Card Prank. 'The whole story' becomes rather bizarre in part two of the CCP when John decides to buy three HDTV plasma TV sets - and all of this can be found on ZUG.com, the world's only comedy site. At no extra cost!

Time Machine.

Lately I picked up that some clever dude almost invented the steam machine some two thousand years ago (or was it three?!). Now he didn't think about whether or not he should do it - he was noticing the expansion of steam and was experimenting with some kind of piston at that time, but just didn't see the possible connection... I believe he was one of those extremely clever greek guys. I zapped right into that program on TV, but that section about this particular man ended soon after, and they didn't mention his name. Plus I was to lazy to investigate further - I know too much already and uncontrollably lose bits and pieces or mix them up... how-evvah, I mounted my post steam-machine-age bike and drove some 40 km out to the countryside (trying to ignore all those idiots in their damn cars nearly running me over a couple of times). And there I continued to ride it, looked here, went there etc. to find out (as if I didn't know already) that bike riding is a lot of fun. Massive! One has a completely different connection to what surrounds us. Air: you smell flowers blossom, ripe crop, cow pat and whatnot. You feel the sudden change of temperature riding downhill, wind in your hair, you can simply stop and take a picture without having to get out of the car, and you can go where even SUVs can't. You know, it's "Harley Days" in Hamburg right now. That means that an awful lot of people with awfully loud motorbikes cruise the city. Which is rather pointless. I mean, I do like motorbikes, especially old ones that are nicely restored, but I don't like manipulated exhaust pipes so that they are producing illegal sound pressures. Especially when it is not only one, but 55,000 m/bikes driving around for the sake of driving around. Fortunately, they are not invading the countryside (which would provide much more fun driving, theoretically), so I can always escape. What was my point... ah, okay, riding the bike is like driving a motorcycle, regarding the air bits I mentioned, but without noise, pollution, five digit price tags and tickets. And once you're home, you can post silly stuff about it. That's me in the corner...

While Thy Guitar Gently Beeps.

You know, one thing leads to another. Which is especially entertaining on Wednesdays, Thursdays and hot summer days. In fact, I find myself unable to reconstruct which one thing led me to Joe Satriani's website, but from there it was quite easy reading this and looking at that that I stumbled upon (remember?) his webcast introducing his latest work, humbly titled Super Colossal. Now I'm not a huge Satriani fan. I'm not sure if I'm even a fan. But I do like some of his songs and have a very intense memory of Satch Boogie, which is on his debut Surfing With The Alien, I believe. When that record came out, I was in Thailand, Chieng Mai to be precise, which is up north near the Golden Triangle, and I had that song on repeat in my Zoney walkman while I drove along some dusty road on an enduro motorbike. Of course there ain't no repeat built into a walkman (I'm talking about the cassette tape playback devices here), so I had to rewind it manually. However the rest of that story is true :o) The point I'm trying to make is this: here you can listen to the entire Super Colossal new Satriani CD streamed in very good quality (depending on your speakers, of course) along with some live notes of Joe talking about the story behind each song. And I must say, I enjoyed that music quite a bit. So, there you are.

On With The Programme...

It might be interesting to know that the city of Hamburg seemed to be much quieter compared to the days where Germany was still part of the world cup as a team. Today was the hottest day of the year (34°C), so I took my bike and went downtown to look for a breeze. This is what I found: a fresh breeze over the Alster lake... it is actually a 180° panorama, and the fresh breeze is located slightly left off center.

Old Europe.

... well, part of it.

Well.

I had three headlines starting with 'well' altogether. Actually I had two, but with this one... you get the idea. Erm, you probably already know I'm a professional stumbler. Okay, I don't get paid for stumbling so I can't be a pro, but apart from that you're absolutely right - or left, depending on which way I'm looking and how. To return to the subject (which I haven't even left coz I never got around to write about it yet) I stumbled upon this. And that is symptomatic for the modern West. Including the old West. We are screwed. Why? Read!